Friday 10 February 2012

'The Sack of Mycovia'

Below is my entry to Madison Woods' #FridayFictioneers.  The idea is to write a piece of flash fiction (in this case, a piece of approximately 100 words) prompted/inspired by the following image:






The original image, along with a full explanation of the Friday Fictioneers concept, can be found at:

http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/2012/02/08/photo-prompt-for-100-word-flash-fridayfictioneers-17/

I'd like to extend my thanks to Madison for the inspiration :-)

Here's the story (Any comments/feedback would be appreciated, I am always trying to improve):

The Sack of Mycovia
 Behind wax sealed eyes, the Crooked Seers discovered Mycovia in fevered dreams. They whispered furtively to the Undying Emperor and told him tales of a hidden race of mushroom people.  With a languid gesture of his desiccated hand, he dispatched his most feared abominations to bring him Mycovian specimens for his terrible menagerie.


On dark wings they flew, riding a fetid wind, wielding chitinous spears and filling the night with eldritch cries.  They left Mycovia desolate, clutching their diminutive captives in pulsating mucus sacks.  Below, unseen by shifting eyes, Mycovia's chosen remained concealed beneath loam. They would endure, as they always had.

Copyright © A. Flood 2012

22 comments:

  1. Ah, with their mucus filled sacks, they are pretty disgustingly depicted - yet very clearly so! A good little tale told with some very awe inspiring , and possibly nauseatingly so, descriptions.
    Good for you,

    Lindaura

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    1. Thanks so much for your kind feedback. I'm happy the tone I wanted to convey came across :-) On my way to read your story now...

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  2. Ah, science and fiction collide to provide an entertaining tale. Well done, Andy. :)

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  3. Welcome to the fun!
    I liked you tale, totally fantasy, which isn't usually my bag - I find it hard to invisage all the curious races, but that's just me and fantasy. You certainly gave me one clear view here - and that's which side I wanted to win!

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    1. Thanks for the welcome and for the feedback. The fact you liked this, even though it's of a genre not normally to your tastes, means a lot.

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  4. I "saw" the Undying Emperor through your words. "Languid gesture of his desiccated hand" let me understand exactly who we are dealing with. Thank you for sharing and welcome to the flash fiction fun!

    ~Susan

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    1. Thanks :-) That's the sort of effect I really hope my writing has: to bring the reader along on a journey. Thanks also for the welcome :-)

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  5. What a vivid imagination, yet I could see it all clearly. Great word pictures. Mine: vlgregory-circa1800.vpweb.com.

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    1. Thank you for the very kind feedback. I'm off to read yours (belatedly... ulp!) now.

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  6. A great story.
    I enjoyed your wonderful descriptions, like - "They left Mycovia desolate, clutching their diminutive captives in pulsating mucus sacks." This conjured up scary images in my head.
    Then your last line leaves us with hope & a promise that they would endure all.
    Thanks for a great read.

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    1. I'm glad you enjoyed the story so much. Thanks for your kind comments. I always aim to 'paint with words', if I can :-)
      On my way over to yours now (at last!)

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  7. You have a unique style and tone, something new to the group! Since you asked for feedback, I have one small suggestion to offer. You wrote: "They whispered furtively to the Undying Emperor..." and I would change that to read "Their furtive whispers to the Undying Emperor...". That eliminates one of the adverbs and makes the whole paragraph feel tighter, at least to me.

    Loved the feel of this story, didn't know that's what cyberpunk is, lol, and I was curious about the genre.

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    1. Thanks so much for the feedback, Madison. I'm new to flash fiction but it seems like a great format and an opportunity to improve as a writer. Constructive comments like yours will aid that process.
      As to cyberpunk, I'm afraid I've caused confusion by posting to this blog (the only one I had at the time). The rest of the fiction posted here is cyberpunk in flavour but this piece is more of a straight ahead fantasy piece. I hope this helps clear up my gaffe.

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  8. Nice! Loved the "Mycovia" name, too - a great reference to mushrooms and their science.

    Here's my story: http://wp.me/p24aJS-2F

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    1. Hehe, thank you. I'm happy that someone picked up on that name :-) Sorry to be late on getting over to read yours, but here goes...

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  9. Creative and inspirational, this is fantasy writing done well. The voice of the piece takes the reader on a special journey, one they don't quite know if they will wake up from.

    Here is my modest attempt:
    http://writetuit.wordpress.com/2012/02/12/flash-friday-soupe-du-jour/

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    1. Wow, thanks for such complimentary feedback. I'm somewhat delayed in doing so but I'm now heading on over to read your piece :-)

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  10. I agree with Madison's comment. That sentence was a bit awkward to me and I was going to suggest another fix for it, but hers is perfect.

    Aside from that, I enjoyed this tremendously. It's always nice to find another writer who isn't afraid to go to the "icky" places.

    My drabble is here: http://quillshiv.wordpress.com/2012/02/10/white-rot/

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    1. I'm glad you enjoyed the story and weren't afraid to point out that sentence (what was your fix, by the way?). It's always good to get a different perspective on writing.
      I'm hopping over to your site to read yours now. Thanks for feeding back :-)

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  11. Very vivid writing. I like the rhythm of the passage. I can feel the flight.

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